Murray Templeton was forty-five years old,
in the prime of life, and with all parts of his body in perfect working order
except for certain key portions of his coronary arteries, but that was enough.
The pain had
come suddenly, had mounted to an unbearable peak, and had then ebbed
steadily.He could feel his breath
slowing and a kind of gathering peace washing over him.
There is no
pleasure like the absence of pain - immediately after pain.Murray
felt an almost giddy lightness as though he were lifting in the air and
hovering.
He opened his
eyes and noted with distant amusement that the others in the room were still
agitated.He had been in the laboratory
when the pain had struck, quite without warning, and when he had staggered, he
had heard surprised outcries from the others before everything vanished into
overwhelming agony.
Now, with the
pain gone, the others were still hovering, still anxious, still gathered about
his fallen body -
- Which, he
suddenly realised, he was looking down on.
He was down
there, sprawled, face contorted.He was
up here, at peace and watching.
He thought:
Miracle of miracles!The life-after-life
nuts were right.
And although
that was a humiliating way for an atheistic physicist to die, he felt only the
mildest surprise, and no alteration of the peace in which he was immersed.
He thought:
There should be some angel - or something - coming for me.
The Earthly
scene was fading.Darkness was invading
his consciousness and off in a distance, as a last glimmer of sight, there was
a figure of light, vaguely human in form, and radiating warmth.
Murray thought: What a joke on me.I'm going to Heaven.
Even as he
thought that, the light faded, but the warmth remained.There was no lessening of the peace even
though in all the Universe only he remained - and the Voice.
The Voice said,
"I have done this so often and yet I still have the capacity to be pleased at
success."
It was in Murray's mind to say
something, but he was not conscious of possessing a mouth, tongue, or vocal
chords.Nevertheless, tried to make a
sound.He tried, mouthlessly, to hum
words or breathe them or just push them out by a contraction of - something.
And they came
out.He heard his own voice, quite
recognisable, and his own words, infinitely clear.
Murray said, "Is this Heaven?"
The Voice said,
"This is no place as you understand place."
Murray was embarrassed, but the next question had to be asked."Pardon me if I sound like a jackass.Are you God?"
Without changing
intonation or in any way marring the perfection of the sound, the Voice managed
to sound amused."It is strange that I
am always asked that in, of course, an infinite number of ways.There is no answer I can give that you would
comprehend.I am - which is all that I can say significantly and you may cover
that with any word or concept you please."
Murray said, "And what am I?A
soul?Or am I only personified existence
too?"He tried not to sound sarcastic,
but it seemed to him that he had failed.He thought then, fleetingly, of adding a 'Your Grace' or 'Holy One' or something to counteract the sarcasm, and
could not bring himself to do so even though for the first time in his
existence he speculated on the possibility of being punished for his insolence
- or sin? - with Hell, and what that might be like.
The Voice did
not sound offended."You are easy to
explain - even to you.You may call
yourself a soul if that pleases you, but what you are is a nexus of
electromagnetic forces, so arranged that all the interconnections and
interrelationships are exactly imitative of those of your brain in your
Universe-existence - down to the smallest detail.Therefore you have your capacity for thought,
your memories, your personality.It
still seems to you that you are you."
Murray found himself incredulous."You mean the essence of my brain was permanent?"
"Not at
all.There is nothing about you that is
permanent except what I choose to make so.I formed the nexus.I constructed
it while you had physical existence and adjusted it to the moment when the
existence failed."
The Voice seemed
distinctly pleased with itself, and went on after a moment's pause."An intricate but entirely precise
construction.I could, of course, do it
for every human being on your world but I am pleased that I do not.There is pleasure in the selection."
"You choose very
few then?"
"Very few."
"And what
happens to the rest?"
"Oblivion! - Oh,
of course, you imagine a Hell."
Murray would have flushed if he had the capacity to do so.He said, "I
do not.It is spoken of.Still, I would scarcely have thought I was
virtuous enough to have attracted your attention as one of the Elect."
"Virtuous? - Ah,
I see what you mean.It is troublesome
to have to force my thinking small enough to permeate yours.No, I have chosen you for your capacity for
thought, as I choose others, in quadrillions, from all the intelligent species
of the Universe."
Murray found himself suddenly curious, the habit of a lifetime.He said, "Do you choose them all yourself or
are there others like you?"
For a fleeting
moment, Murray
thought there was an impatient reaction to that, but when the Voice came, it
was unmoved."Whether or not there are
others is irrelevant to you.This
Universe is mine, and mine alone.It is
my invention, my construction, intended for my purpose alone."
"And yet with
quadrillions of nexi you have formed, you spend time with me?Am I that important?"
The Voice said,
"You are not important at all.I am also
with others in a way which, to your perception, would seem simultaneous."
"And yet you are
one?"
Again
amusement.The Voice said, "You seek to
trap me into an inconsistency.If you
were an amoeba who could consider individuality only in connection with single
cells and if you were to ask a sperm whale, made up of thirty quadrillion
cells, whether it was one or many, how could the sperm whale answer in a way
that would be comprehensible to the amoeba?"
Murray said dryly, "I'll think about it.It may become comprehensible."
"Exactly.That is your function.You will think."
"To what
end?You already know everything, I
suppose."
The Voice said,
"Even if I knew everything, I could not know that I know everything."
Murray said, "That sounds like a bit of Eastern philosophy - something
that sounds profound precisely because it has no meaning."
The Voice said,
"You have promise.You answer my paradox
with a paradox - except that mine is not a paradox.Consider.I have existed eternally, but what does that mean?It means I cannot remember having come into
existence.If I could, I would not have
existed eternally.If I cannot remember
having come into existence, then there is at least one thing - the nature of my
coming into existence - that I do not know.
"Then, too,
although what I know is infinite, it is also true that what there is to know is
infinite, and how can I be sure that both infinities are equal?The infinity of potential knowledge may be
infinitely greater than the infinity of my actual knowledge.Here is a simple example: If I knew every one
of the even integers, I would know an infinite number of items, and yet I would
still not know a single odd integer."
Murray said, "But the odd integers can be derived.If you divide every even integer in the
entire infinite series by two, you will get another infinite series which will
contain within it the infinite series of odd integers."
The Voice said,
"You have the idea.I am pleased.It will be your task to find other such ways,
far more difficult ones, from the known to the not-yet-known.You have your memories.You will remember all the data you have ever
collected or learned, or that you have or will deduce from that data.If necessary, you will be allowed to learn
what additional data you will consider relevant to the problems you set
yourself."
"Could you not
do all that for yourself?"
The Voice said,
"I can, but it is more interesting this way.I constructed the Universe in order to have more facts to deal
with.I inserted the uncertainty
principle, entropy, and other randomisation factors to make the whole not
instantly obvious.It has worked well
for it has amused me throughout its entire existence.
"I then allowed
complexities that produced first life and then intelligence, and use it as a
source for a research team, not because I need the aid, but because it would
introduce a new random factor.I found I
could not predict the next interesting piece of knowledge gained, where it
would come from, by what means derived."
Murray said, "Does that ever happen?"
"Certainly.A century doesn't pass in which some
interesting item doesn't appear somewhere."
"Something that
you could have thought of yourself, but had not done so yet?"
"Yes."
Murray said, "Do you actually think there's a chance of my obliging you in this manner?"
"In the next
century?Virtually none.In the long run, though, your success is
certain, since you will be engaged eternally."
Murray said, "I will be thinking through eternity?Forever?"
"Yes."
"To what end?"
"I have told
you.To find new knowledge."
"But beyond
that.For what purpose am I to find new
knowledge?"
"It was what you
did in your Universe-bound life.What
was its purpose then?"
Murray said, "To gain new knowledge that only I could gain.To receive the praise of my fellows.To feel the satisfaction of accomplishment
knowing that I had only a short time allotted me for the purpose. - Now I would
gain only what you could gain yourself if you wished to take a small bit of
trouble.You cannot praise me; you can
only be amused.And there is no credit
or satisfaction in accomplishment when I have all eternity to do it in."
The Voice said,
"And you do not find thought and discovery worthwhile in itself?You do not find it requiring no further
purpose?"
"For a finite
time, yes.Not for all eternity."
"I see your
point.Nevertheless, you have no
choice."
"You say I am to
think.You cannot make me do so."
The Voice said,
"I do not wish to constrain you directly.I will not need to.Since you can
do nothing but think, you will think.You do not know how not to think."
"Then I will
give myself a goal.I will invent a
purpose."
The Voice said
tolerantly, "That you can certainly do."
"I have already
found a purpose."
"May I know what
it is?"
"You know
already.I know we are not speaking in
the ordinary fashion.You adjust my
nexus is such a way that I believe I hear you and I believe I speak, but you
transfer thoughts to me and from me directly.And when my nexus changes with my thoughts you are at once aware of them
and do not need my voluntary transmission."
The Voice said,
"You are surprisingly correct.I am
pleased. - But it also pleases me to have you tell me your thoughts
voluntarily."
"Then I will
tell you.The purpose of my thinking
will be to discover a way to disrupt this nexus of me that you have
created.I do not want to think for no
purpose but to amuse you.I do not want
to think forever to amuse you.I do not
want to exist forever to amuse you.All
my thinking will be directed toward ending the nexus.That
would amuse me."
The Voice said,
"I have no objection to that.Even
concentrated thought on ending your own existence may, in spite of you, come up
with something new and interesting.And,
of course, if you succeed in this suicide attempt you will have accomplished
nothing, for I would instantly reconstruct you and in such a way as to make
your method of suicide impossible.And
if you found another and still more subtle fashion of disrupting yourself, I
would reconstruct you with that possibility eliminated, and so on.It could be an interesting game, but you will
nevertheless exist eternally.It is my
will."
Murray felt a quaver but the words came out with a perfect calm."Am I in Hell then, after all?You have implied there is none, but if this
were Hell you would lie to us as part of the game of Hell."
The Voice said,
"In that case, of what use is it to assure you that you are not in Hell?Nevertheless, I assure you.There is here neither Heaven nor Hell.There is only myself."
Murray said, "Consider, then, that my thoughts may be useless to you.If I come up with nothing useful, will it not
be worth your while to - disassemble me and take no further trouble with me?"
"As a
reward?You want Nirvana as the prize of
failure and you intend to assure me failure?There is no bargain there.You
will not fail.With all eternity before
you, you cannot avoid having at least one interesting thought, however you try
against it."
"Then I will
create another purpose for myself.I
will not try to destroy myself.I will
set as my goal the humiliation of you.I
will think of something you have not only never thought of but never could
think of.I will think of the last
answer, beyond which there is no knowledge further."
The Voice said,
"You do not understand the nature of the infinite.There may be things I have not yet troubled
to know.There cannot be anything I
cannot know."
Murray said thoughtfully, "You cannot know your beginning.You have said so.Therefore you cannot know your end.Very well, then.That will be my purpose and that will be the
last answer.I will not destroy
myself.I will destroy you - if you do not destroy me first."
The Voice said,
"Ah!You come to that in rather less
than average time.I would have thought
it would have taken you longer.There is
not one of those I have with me in this existence of perfect and eternal
thought that does not have the ambition of destroying me.It cannot be done."
Murray said, "I have all eternity to think of a way of destroying you."
The Voice said,
equably, "Then try to think of it."And
it was gone.
But Murray had his purpose
now and was content.
For what could any Entity, conscious of eternal
existence, want - but an end?
For what else
had the Voice been searching for countless billions of years?And for what other reason had intelligence
been created and certain specimens salvaged and put to work, but to aid in that
great search?And Murray intended that it would be he, and he
alone, who would succeed.
Carefully, and
with the thrill of purpose, Murray
began to think.
He had plenty of
time.
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